Confusion
by malika-azrael
Summary: What does actually Ayumu feel for his brother? A brother who surpass him in everything. Does he love him? Or does he hate him?


**Confusion **

"Hhh..." I sighed. Again...another case that involved those Blade Children, never-ending problem, finished one and then came another. 

"Narumi-kun..." Hiyono's cheerful voice came. 

"What?" I asked, slightly amazed at how she could never lost her energy and her cheerfulness. 

"No," she shook her head. "I'm just glad that you finally came here to help them, Rio-san is really happy about it." 

I was quiet for few moments before speaking nonchalantly, "I don't mean to help them...I just want to find a clue where Aniki is..." 

"Oh!" she exclaimed, as if my words had made everything clear for her. "It's really good, you must be really love your Aniki then." 

I fell silent upon hearing her words but she didn't notice it as she kept rambling. I looked at my watch. "I must go home now." I said. 

"Ok, see you at school tomorrow." She replied. "Bye!" Before we parted she waved her hand to me then disappeared into the crowd in the street. 

**~*~*~*~*~*~ **

At 10:00 A.M I arrived at home, Madoka-neesan hadn't come back yet, I was sure one hundred percents she was in bar right now with her poor sub-ordinate. Nothing to do I walked into my room and flopped myself into the bed. 

I couldn't help but thought about the previous moment, what I remembered the most was Hiyono's words. 'You must be really love your Aniki...' 

I smiled, a bittersweet one. Was it true? Well...until today...I even didn't know what I felt for him. Was it love? Or...was it hate? 

Love...I loved him for sure, he was my brother...my only family in this world –well...of course there was Madoka-neesan but she was different case- which the same blood flowing in our veins. 

But...I also hated him. Had you ever been in my position? What would you fell if you always lived under someone shadow for all of your life? Not something enjoyable, that was for sure. 

First it made me proud to have a brother like my Aniki. Who wouldn't? He had brilliant brain, also excellent in sport even genius in piano. He seemed...so perfect...in everything...anything and what he did never fail. 

But then it turned into burden for me. I also had talent but it seemed everything that I did always be considered as my Aniki's imitation, nothing more and nothing less than that. 

I quit piano because of that, when I played piano, it would always end with me imitated his style. I didn't mean to...I never wanted to...But why? Why it always turned out like this? 

I lost all of my self-confidence but yet he was always there to help me, he was the only one who believed me even when I had lost faith of myself. He always supported me to through all kinds of problem. In that time, I felt that I loved him. 

But why? Why then he needed to leave? All of sudden he disappeared without any words – left me and Madoka-neesan by our self – except those words, 'The mystery of Blade Children...until the unseen truth is in my hand...' 

Now it had been two years and still he hadn't come back yet. The one who come was them, those Blade Children. First was Eyes Rutherford then Asazuki Kousuke, Takeuchi Rio and that girl, Takamachi Ryoko...and the last Kanone Hilbert. They appeared one by one from the darkness. 

What kind of problem Aniki dragged me into? He just decided it by himself without thought of my feeling. He was so selfish...And for that I should hate him...I really should... 

But to think about it clearly, I guessed he wanted me to have self-confidence, believe in myself. ' Wasn't it the meaning of his favorite flower, Japanese Iris. 'The happiness of the believer...'. Was it his purpose? 

"Ayumu!!!" A very loud voice interrupted my reminiscences, so Madoka-neesan had come back. "Cook something for me! I'm hungry!!" Judged from her voice, she was still drunk. "Ayumu!!!!" She yelled louder. 

"I'm coming!" I yelled back, I didn't want her to yell more and louder. It was disturbing. 

But as I made my way into the kitchen, I couldn't help thinking. 

People said love and hate only have a narrow difference, separated only by a thin line. 

Was it true? 

I didn't know. What I knew was I was torn apart between those two. Sometimes I hated my Aniki...sometimes I loved him. 

I was so confused. 

_Please tell me...which way should I fell for him? _

_Is it love? _

_Or hate? _


End file.
